Oscars

Rockel has the angle on the Oscars prognostication and scoring for correct, yada-yada-yada. The one part of the Oscars I pay attention to every year, and yes, I know, it sounds less than manly, is the Best and Worst Dressed. I regularly find myself disagreeing with at least one or two in each category. So, at least this year I'm going to talk about that post-Oscars. I may forget to next year, but that's as well. Fortunately I got extra man points from Saturday to spend as I went out and shot my .357 magnum and did a bit of hunting/scouting on some new property. Here we go.

First, a link to the Worst Dressed page by Yahoo. Now, for an in depth discussion by someone who only looks and sees what they like or dislike, who does not have a technical understanding of what each stitch, cut, and pleat is, but who can look and discern what they think looks good or bad.

1.The first Worst is Jessica Alba, who may be pregnant, but why wear this dress that makes her look shapeless? Pregnant is hot in Hollywood, show that off. Oh, and I have to agree with Yahoo, feathers go on boas for flappers.

2. Ellen Page, you're how old? And again, we're back with the Flappers, all the way down to the overly long necklace.

3.Danny Day and Co. WHAT THE CRAP???? Who wears brown shoes with a black tux first of all. Next up, that dress looks like one my sister wore to her prom in like '92. Is there I giant flower bow on the butt, too? This one is so bad, they show it twice. I do like Lewis' tux, but why the fuzzy brown loafers? Yeah, there may be brown on his tux, but that's no excuse to wear brown shoes. its a black tie affair, that includes black shoes. You can have the unwashed artist look, but do it with scuffed up Sketchers in BLACK.

4. My first disagreement. First of all, chintz curtains? Really? It looks like a island floral print, which goes with the uber-tan, and is complemented by the cut of the dress. I can't agree with this as a worst dressed. I think it works.

5.So everything is right about this dress but the pleating? Is that what you're saying? Ever think it might accent an ASSet? It also offsets the bust ruffle. Again, perhaps not a great choice/design, but not a worst by any means.

6. Oh...My.... Did I miss a decade or two and suddenly find myself in a 70's pimp crib? Add in the fact that she probably has a moderately decent figure and there's more questions about this choice than I care to think about. Also, where's PETA on this one, faux fur and all that?

7. Remember that old Windows screen saver, shooting stars? Yeah, that's this. I'm sure it'd work somehow, but not this how. Polka dots would have been interesting, but not star-dots.

8. This is all the wrong tucks in all the wrong places. Very poor choice. And if one wished to get mean, she might have wanted a wrap as she is a big girl and her arms show that off in a rather negative fashion.

9. Its called an "Iron", they've made them modern and available easily. Also, this is the red carpet, where's the glitz of this dress, it looks like you're headed to the club, and not one of the better ones. Showing leg isn't bad, but do it through the dress, not without it. Props on the Breast Cancer pin, but why pink and red?

10. Statuesque figure aside, I thought the only negative to this outfit was the fact that it looks like velvet (again with the 70's pimp) instead of the silk its made from. She's going for that ghostly Irish-Roman thing, and it works for her. I don't know that anyone else could have pulled off a look like this, even if it isn't perfect. Yeah, we all want to see the milk-glass curves, but this is a chance that works, if it was in a different fabric. However, after further review of this shot, way too much floppy fabric.

11. All right, leave Viggo's beard alone. Scruffy=Sexy in LOTR, at least that's what the ladies thought. However, the oversize jacket and pose made me think either Napoleon Complex or serious attempt to pimp out for his upcoming Death Row Records release.

Now for the Best Dressed agree or disagree section. Here's your link to Yahoo's page for this, follow along and keep up.

1. I can agree, this works for her, especially considering she's been less than stellar in past years.

2. How did this make Best Dressed? It looks like she's growing mushrooms on her butt, and they praise her for the "mermaid look". Unless your name is Ariel and I see no crab named Sebastian (unless she met up with him at the after parties), this is just poor judgement by some fashion snob who wants recognition for obvious stupidity. To add to this before the Daego makes a comment, it could also be construed as a really bad French Pillow design that would have padded Louis XVI's keester, and thus should also be disqualified for best.

3. Appreciate the Irishness of this outfit, the hair, etc. However, I can't help but see the similarity between the setup of the bust on this and frog eyes. That's the only negative. Otherwise, work it.

4. Classic Hollywood. Like a Golden Delicious Candied Apple.

5. This is what you want if you want to have stuff on your dress, just enough to accent parts without making yourself look like a fungus field. Also love the huge, wide bracelet, connects well with the dress and has that little touch of modernism that really makes the whole ensemble sparkle. Forest Whitaker, you are a lucky man.

6. Ok, feathers not OK again. How do you say no to one and yes to another? Furthermore, this is the Oscars, not a magic show, so any outfit that makes you look like someone who's been sawed in half by Criss Angel should not be a best dressed.

7. Simple, but elegant. However, a little more cling would add some height to a shorter frame.

8.Heidi Klum, love the dress for the most part, but when did you become a defensive lineman with a neckboard? A little less ruffle next time will frame your lovely neck, chest, and hair in a bun just fine. Unless, of course, the ruffle is there to balance the bun on, then I understand.

9. Renee, way to bring your Chicago look back to another Oscar. A little ray of sunshine pattern alternating out from the thigh-high slit with the legs looking good and etc.

10. I am mostly unaware of Laura Linney, but this is beautiful. Simple, lengthens the body in the dark color, accentuates the important pieces, and just in general reminds me of Golden Hollywood. Audrey Hepburn would be proud.

11. Maybe its the angle of the picture, but this dress looks a little bit like a jersey-knit sheet wrapped around instead of an expensive evening gown. Don't get me wrong, all the right angles are shown, but again, a bit casual for a choice of fabric.

12. Ahhh, innuendo my old friend, someone brought you to the Oscars. Hilary Swank makes the many-layered negligee turned evening gown look work with this outfit. Makes you think you might be getting some, but its all covered up. Again, classic Hollywood.

13. So, if the black Toga look is bad, why is the red Toga look good? First of all, way too much red this year, although that's not Anne Hathaway's fault. The apparent leis over the shoulder look is saved by the fact that it is roses, not tropical flowers, which connects the dress color a little more, and is limitlessly better than that wannabe corset bow thing from last year. I honestly was trying to figure out if that thing was a piece of armor or a dress.

14. I like this look, not familiar enough with the actress (Kristin Chenoweth) displaying it. The only negative I see here is the seeming granny-pants underwear look worked in, but that's probably just the angle we're seeing the dress at.

15. Don't know much about Lisa Rinna, but she's smokin' in this.

Some other news and notes on outfits that didn't make these lists.

1. Miley Cyrus, Helen Mirren, and Ruby Dee rounded out the red dress group at Oscar night. The thing with a color like red is, someone needs to call someone and decide who gets to wear ther bright red colors. The only thing is, Helen Mirren should have been one of the ones to wear it, and how she didn't get into Best Dressed I don't know. She's just beautiful.

2. Cate Blanchett got the maternal look right with a little black, slimming number that makes you just want to coo about due dates and crap like that.

3. Saoirse Ronan So much for the brutality of Hollywood. Just because she's underage doesn't mean you can't point out a faux pas. Honestly people, classic one thing, a bad copy of a dress from Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth (think sister Mary playing the piano) is another.

4. Steve Carell and I quote, "and wife". What, she doesn't get a first name? She's beautiful. I'm still amazed that he's gotten by with the "square-cut" hairdo and nobody has tried to mess with it. Makes you wonder if the Rat Pack is as far gone as people think. Granted, it makes him as a comedian that much funnier, but just interesting.

5. Travolta and Kelly Preston Where's the nod for this peach of a dress?

6. Louis Gossett Jr. A man with cohones enough to wear something interesting and all we get is a headshot? BS. That's one thing I hate about the Oscars, guys don't have to have any level of testosterone as the ladies are in focus. Come on, wear something that makes people take notice and be impressed.

7. Nancy O'Dell Here we go, a dress people apparently missed in the glamour department. Pretty, sexy, risky without being weird, and she wears it well.

8. Wolfgang Puck How did this miss worst dressed? Its the Oscars, you moron, not the kitchen. Unless you're catering, what are thinking?

9.Last, but not least, when did we start bringing toys to the Oscars? I'm sure there's a good explanation, but I don't want to hear it. I understand he does effects, but come on.

All right, that pretty much wraps up my here and there. Again, I reiterate, why are there no cool tuxes ever? I want some guy to take a chance some year and come in a zoot suit or something. Make the crowd see what they came for, not just your boring black tie crap. Make it dressy, yes, but don't just be dull like you all seem to enjoy. Where's the ascot ties and top hats? Do something grand. Seriously, Rupert Everett should just show up in one of his outfits from "The Importance of Being Earnest", as should anyone else who can pull it off. The ladies should not be the only ones spending the evening in an uncomfortable/outlandish outift. Obviously this is not a technical exposition on all these things, just an average guy looking and saying, "I don't understand" or "Yes, that works". However, if you're going to leave some comment about me being gay, I expect you to also put something down as a comment about some outfit. Otherwise, you're just a wuss who needs man shots.